now browsing by author
1983 Hyndai Wagon-687,000 miles. Auto (needs new clutch), bald tires, cracked chassis, blown head gasket, Mariah Carey cassette stuck in CD player. Missing 3rd + 4th gears. Dead rodent somewhere inside. Inspected by Big Head Ted/ Asking $67,500.
Yea! I stole this from Failblog, so I will give them credit.
Still funny as shit!
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window…
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?
“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”
She replies, “Yes, getting herpies – that’s why I am here!”
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.”
The lady asks, “How do I do it without surgery?”
“just rub toilet paper between them”
The lady asks, “How does that make them bigger?”
“I don’t know, but it worked for you ass.”
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!”. The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”